As you lead your woman and continue to improve your lives through imagination, effort and sheer will, you will need to do as all leaders do and employ some intelligent and pointed management considerations. Yes, even in the interpersonal interaction with your woman you will need to stay ahead of the curve and be very smart in managing your relationship to be successful for the long term.
If you consider this a harsh viewpoint then reflect for a moment on the percentage of marriages that result in divorce, for example. And consider as well (at least here in the West) that almost three quarters of them are initiated by women. To avoid becoming another statistic it would behoove a man to give himself every advantage. Be proactive and deliberate rather than passive and without focus if you wish to remain happy and deeply connected.
These are not cold hearted considerations, but those designed to maintain a vibrant, exciting and passionate life that will benefit the both of you. As a man of integrity pursuing his very best in congruence with the Creator, your intentions will be of the highest order. After all, part of the reason for relentlessly developing your inherent potential is to benefit those around you as well. A man living life at his very best is the greatest gift he can give to his family each day.
In Part 2 of this series we discussed initiating good humor and projecting your expectations to your woman. These are a good foundation for directly addressing your day to day interactions. They will set a positive tone and point your woman to where you would like your relationship to go. This is a good start because setting the bar high in terms of attitude and direction will be an important aspect in your success together. This is what leaders do.
Let us now discuss a few more considerations pertinent for a man who wishes to lead his woman as part of developing himself relentlessly each day.
Keep Half Your Thoughts
Think back to the early days of your relationship. Part of the attraction was the newness and the unknown. Things were fresh and exciting because you did not know everything there was to know about your woman. And it was certainly the same for her. You were new and exciting and mysterious with all kinds of potential.
So make it a point to maintain some of this mystery by keeping half of your thoughts to yourself from now on. Especially as you begin to develop some momentum and she begins to take note, keep to yourself a little more. She doesn’t need to know everything. Keep her guessing a little bit about your thoughts, plans and goals. Maintain the lines of communication, but let her wonder about what’s going on in that vibrant and expanding mind of yours.
As a man of action with a rising Trajectory, her natural instincts will engage once again. You will become more alluring and worthy of leading her as you press on. As you carry yourself with reserve and confidence she will indeed want to follow as you carve your blazing path day to day.
So this is the plan with regard to the positive; mystery and reserve, share some but not all.
On the flip side, some of you out there will often come home and dump your complete day on your woman—all the negatives and hurts and injustices. You know who you are. Think of it from her point of view. How do you think this will affect your profile as a leader in her mind?
As the saying goes, nobody likes a complainer.
Make it an absolute to never complain to your woman again. You will absorb and handle the day’s events all on your own. There will be no more burdening your woman with any negatives. Take pride in this fact and so will she. You will send her the message that you will handle it all.
After all this is what men do. We handle things, solve problems and get things done. Stand tall each day and take care of business. She will admire you for it and it will become another brick in your fortress of leadership.
Do Something for Yourself
It is a fine quality to be devoted to your woman. But devotion must remain in its proper perspective. For if you put her up on too high of a pedestal, there will eventually be a reversal of roles regarding leadership. If this is as you choose then fine, to each his own. But here at BFN, we choose to put our Life Mission first and respectfully lead our women.
Make it a Mission that will include and benefit your partner, but always maintain this principle. Nature will favor you in terms of happiness and longevity. Let your woman be as independent as she wishes, but pursue your Mission and bring her along for the ride. She will admire you for it and you will justify your life by making the most out of what the Creator has given you.
As a man on a Mission and the leader of your household you will amplify this point and emphasize your independence by pursuing some personal interests. In other words, you will maintain a portion of your life apart from your woman. This will be healthy because it will help to define you apart from your relationship. You will know it and so will she.
A man who has interests and a life apart from his woman will develop a strong profile in her mind. The inverse, a man who is too dependent on his woman for his self-worth, will be seen as needy and dependent. This is obviously not a good position to be in for leadership.
So take some time and develop your interests. Work on yourself physically. Be relentless and keep yourself fit. If you need to lose some weight, go hardcore and cut weight like a man. Eat with purpose and precision. Read every night for pleasure, for personal and professional development. Learn a second language. Pursue the outdoors with a few of your close friends. Or start a side hustle that interests you and put some money aside.
These things are in line with Keep Half of Your Thoughts above. They will demonstrate to your woman (and to you) that you do indeed maintain a certain mystery and independent self-worth. This will keep her on her toes and interested in her man of many layers. It will instill a level of independence in you that will inspire self-confidence. And it will also allow your persona to be sufficient and satisfying to you as well. A man should always develop himself to the point where he enjoys his own company.
Expect & Handle Fitness Tests
Seemingly preprogrammed in to every woman is the need to fitness or “shit test” her man. Even if you’ve proven yourself loyal, loving and faithful for years expect these fitness tests to continue. Some will say they are an evolutionary adaptation to continually gage your worthiness as a provider, protector and mate.
Whatever the reason, they are frustrating in their irrationality and randomness. Here you are minding your own business going about your day with nothing but the best intentions when all of a sudden and out of the blue the hammer comes down. What the hell—it is indeed hard not to take the bait and make a bad situation worse. A man gets tired of these tests. Even if you’ve made a mistake or said something insensitive, there has to be a better way.
And there is a better way, gentlemen. The first step is to recognize a shit test for what is. Be aware and be ready from now on. The next time she takes a stab at you, tell yourself “this is a shit test.” Repeat this very phrase in your mind and try not to smile when you do it; laughing out loud would be even worse. But just recognizing it for what it is will put you at a higher level.
There is no need to question these tests; you will just handle them from now on. It will help to remind yourself this is a universal quality among women—it simply an adaptive behavior that some women are obviously more committed to than others. Consider yourself lucky if you have an exceptional woman in this regard, for perhaps she is as highly motivated on the flip side as well. It will be your job to handle these challenges and find out.
The first strategy to employ in reaction to a shit test is No Reaction at all. As tempting as it is to push back, remain silent and present her with a dead pan face. Hold your position for a second or two and then move on. The plan here is to never add fuel to the fire. You are a man of Vision and action and do not have time for these trifles. Over time you will condition her to realize there is no return on her actions. You are above the situation and unaffected. There are many more important things for you to attend to rather than waste your time with such undesirable behavior.
Your second option when silence just won’t do is Amused Mastery. You will quickly and easily brush her challenge aside. You are above the matter and unaffected. There is no need to become angry or waste any emotion. Give her a quick retort and then move on with your day. Change the subject or declare your intention to attend to something else. Here again you will refuse to reward her behavior with any significant reaction.
And finally, you can always Agree and Amplify to emphasize an overreaction on her part. Make her see that she is making an issue out of something that is unwarranted. You will utilize the absurd to make your point. This is taking a stab back at her acting as a foil for her behavior. It might sting her a little bit, but that is the point.
My preference is option 1 and then option 2 if I am cornered so to speak. I’m reluctant to use number 3, but sometimes it is an appropriate response to make your point when necessary. And of course, when a shit test rises to the directly disrespectful level it will be handled firmly, calmly and directly—she will be told her behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Be Willing to Walk
It will be important for you to know that you could walk away from your woman if you had to. Develop yourself and set it straight in your mind that you could do so, move on and thrive. Certainly this would be a difficult situation and not without some measure of regret and distress. But as a man you should be sufficient on your own. Your self-worth should be measured by your character and accomplishments, not your woman.
Love your woman with all your heart, but do not make her the core of who you are. Doing so will benefit neither of you. A needy and dependent man is not the ideal mate for a woman. And a man who makes his woman the center of his life rather than his Mission will pay a price in the long run. In the end she will lose respect for you. A woman respects a man of Vision and action not one who follows and acquiesces. This is nature at play here gentlemen.
Do not misunderstand this philosophy to mean you will not treat your woman with the utmost love, consideration and courtesy. On the contrary, a man who is deep in character and independent in spirit is free to give of himself without restraint. He will do so of his own volition and without reserve; not for fear of loss. This is a genuine and superior devotion, one that will remain hardy and vibrant over the long term.
Never will you need to speak these words of independence directly to your woman. She will implicitly know that you are a man with options and tremendous self-worth. You will simply carry yourself as such once you know it to be true. It will also become obvious to her as she notices how other women react to you. This will often turn the tables and have her working to please you. Of course you will also work hard to please her, but it will help to even the scales a little bit won’t it? Better to have her looking up to you so to speak over the long term than the reverse.
Maintaining a measure of outcome independence within your relationship will certainly be congruent with leading your woman. It will provide you with the confidence and posture to do so without hesitation. You will speak your mind and be creative and passionate as you go about your life together. What more could a woman ask for than a man of Vision, action and accomplishment who has many options and yet chooses her above all other women.
Assume the Lead
Continue to evolve through planning, courage and imagination. Take action and get things done. Keep moving every day and pick up the pace. Follow your interests and take some time to focus inward. While you’re at it, keep some of your thoughts and plans to yourself. This will add some mystery and excitement to your persona in your woman’s mind. She will benefit by not knowing your every thought. And it will bring back some of the excitement and tension that makes every day life worth living.
Keep in mind that as your woman begins to notice your growing ambition, energy and verve she will want to test its legitimacy. Expect these fitness tests and handle them like a pro. Recognize them for what they are and calmly deflect them aside without incident. This will validate your character and pave the way for your burgeoning leadership. Add in a measure of outcome independence and the knowledge you could thrive on your own if you had to and it’s a whole new ballgame. You will lead your woman, she will love you for it and you will continue on the path to your Ultimate Self.
All the best,